When Strings are Still Attached

"The hardest thing to learn is to teach your heart and your mind what to do for they
have their own choices. But not all their choices makes you happy."-kled

One cannot tell his or her heart to follow what his or her minds says. The heart has its own mind and the mind has its own heart. They seldom go together and if they do, it is either wrong or right.

I do not know if i should follow my mind or my heart. What i know is, either way, i wouldn't be happy. I don't even know if my happiness still matters. All I know is the happiness of the other person.

It is hard when you are not sure if there are still strings attached between you and the other person. In my case, i am unsure. Maybe if there are still strings, those strings will just rot for it is not being polished. Those strings will never be as beautiful as how i want it to be. I need to know if there are still strings. I need to know if there is still a special connection in our hearts.

We do not communicate but every time the sun sets and the heavens are eaten by darkness, it is his memory that haunts me..scares me..I am scared because i do not know what i should do. I cannot bury my memories. I cannot forget it. It is said that memories are never forgotten. it is just being replaced by a better memory...how can i have better memories when i cannot pull another string to connect with me? How can a new string be connected to me when there is still an exisitng string?

I am not sure if i could welcome a "better memory"....'coz i think i have driven it away already. I have driven it away because there are still strings attached....

....i guess, i will just bear my "beautiful nightmare" no matter how hard it is...